What am I supposed to do now?

My youngest starts nursery this week. In my head I have aways thought when she starts I will sort myself out and by the time she starts reception I will be back working a bit again. Just before the summer holidays I got the call from MY agent, “Place on the Moon are looking for new presenters, auditions in September … interested?” Well, as you can imagine not only had I said, “Hell YES,” it was pretty amazing the universe was woking for me .  In my head I was planning out how I was going to manage the childcare — school clubs? Nanny share? This time I would make this telly malarky work.

Kids back in school it was time to chase up my new show, as they say; ‘no news is good news!’ So you know in telly… no news is ‘we haven’t got the time to let you know we don’t want you’ news. The job had gone. My entry back into TV vanished followed by a more brutal conversation on how; things have changed. You need to be an expert, a social media star with followers and likes. My response, but what about “XYZ” ( I’ve always fancied presenting a shopping channel) ‘They don’t want you. ’ I was told so matter of fact I felt like an emotional teen and like me as a teen, I spoke with brutal honestly “BUT they don’t have anyone brown!” Firstly they may have someone brown or lots of brown people I just haven’t seen it enough to know their presenters. Lastly my agent told me … ‘They don’t want you. We told them you live down the road and they said no’. Sod my 15years TV experience I am not in the catchment area – things have changed!

For the last 3 years I have held onto going back to my old job  but now it seems I have no old job. So what am I supposed to do now? What does an ex BBC kids, property, holiday, consumer presenter do?

I know this isn’t just me. Starting school is a massive time for kids but If you are a stay at home parent this is huge too. Probably even more so. Yes, I know our responsibilities are far from over but all of a sudden it feels like I am unemployed or a shift worker as surely cooking/cleaning/admin can’t take up that long? How can I say I am a stay at home mum who has no kids at home?

pretty quiet round here…

For stay at home parents September makes us question, what shall we I now? What I want to know i,  how can I figure that out…After all this time the working world has changed. My wardrobe and skills are dated and I am not sure where to begin. People say take some time for you, as if I am in mourning so I better works through those 5 stages fast to get on with my life.

Obviously the first thing I am going to do is declutter – all the jobs I haven’y had time to do… then be pissed of that I don’t have enough time to get things sorted. Then hassle my husband into “but what do YOU think I should do?” and when he hasn’t given me the answer I want then I will regret all the choices I have ever made before accepting that I am only 44 and I still have time to do something. BOOM – lets do this!